I spent most of the earliest years of my life wondering if I’d ever be good enough. I wondered if my voice was worth speaking, or my personality was worth sharing. I didn’t want to shine too brightly; for fear that I would make others feel less. I held back when someone hurt me for fear that I wouldn’t be accepted. I would isolate myself in my own head, and over analyzed majority of my life experiences, without truly being present for most of them. I used disassociation from my body as a form of survival because bearing the weight of my life was incredibly heavy, and at that point, my only help was through therapy. It was in some of my earliest years in therapy that I discovered the Chakra system within my body. I remember undergoing a chakra clearing when I was 13, and unsure exactly what was happening, but I was in very beautiful, trusting hands that led me on a journey inward. I remember that as being one of the first intentional moments of seeking to bring healing into my own life, through my own experiences.
I had attended yoga with my Oma growing up, but it wasn’t until I reached high school, that I discovered a group of healers and mediums that helped give me tools that I could start using for myself to enhance my clarity of thought, ground my energy, and to start taking empowerment back in my life. I will forever be grateful to those incredible teachers who helped to pave the way for me to see there was something more inside of me that has yet to reveal itself. I started practicing yoga semi regularly, was apart of guided meditation ceremonies, and made spiritual retreats to connect with the Earth. This was the time I started feeling actual joy in my life. I would use breathing exercises at home to calm my energy down, and meditate if I felt I needed to ground my energy and to let go of other’s projections of energy onto me. I was intentionally learning to develop boundaries through meditation.
I grew up a dancer and a swimmer, who committed most of my time to swimming, because I didn’t believe I was good enough to commit full time to dancing. It was always a push/pull relationship because my deepest desires were to use my body as a form of art and creative expression. I built physical and mental strength through the discipline of swimming, but the outlet of dance was imperative to my personal happiness and growth. In 2009, I attended my first music festival where I discovered the art of hoop-dancing. I watched as girls twirl and spin around to the musical flow of the band playing, smiling and moving the hula-hoop up and down their bodies, from their hands to their feet. I watched in amazement and knew I was destined to hoop. From that point forward, I set the intention within my own self that I was going to dedicate my energy and time to practicing hula-hooping. It became this incredible extension of myself to observe myself. The more my love grew for my hula-hoop, the more I was called to move my body in other ways.
May of 2010, I synchronistically attended my first meditation retreat, that I understood was 10 days, but missed the memo that it was in silence. I set the intention within myself that I would always do my best and make the most out of what seemed to be a difficult experience to get through. Silence taught me there is always more to be heard than just the voice of the tongue.
In college, I signed up for a weekly yoga class that was apart of my curriculum. I knew that I had to intentionally set a commitment to going weekly if I wanted to develop my knowledge and ability in yoga. I used intention in my schedule planning to always leave space for creativity and movement. By then, I was weekly and almost daily practicing yoga, meditation, and hula-hooping.
It was during these times where I found myself intentionally seeking to better myself that I started to bring what I wanted into my life. I decided I wanted to love myself, and get to know myself. I decided for myself that I wanted to be able to express myself freely and lovingly to anyone I chose. I believed that my life was worthy of all good things coming into it. It has been through the intentions of seeking good, that good came into my life. From my perspective, life will always give me what I am seeking and what I need. If you set your sight on what you seek, you will automatically begin moving towards it. I sought healing from the pain of sadness, frustration, & anger, hoping to transform those experiences into success and reliability.
I reflect on my life where I am today, and I realize how far I have come through intention of wanting something to come into my life, wanting healing and transformation in my life. I have brought in all the good I sought after years ago, and I am continuing to bring in more. This is a part of my purpose for generating classes in The Space. I want to encourage others to set personal intentions for themselves and to seek what they truly want in their own individual lives. Happiness and wellness are possible for all. Renewal is possible for all things, it is for me, and it is for you, too. I hope to share that with intention, all things are possible. Believe you can, and your half way there.